Madvillainy
by Monsignor Gabriel
Summary: A novel written completely in poetry. It is about an Obsessive Compulsive male pyrokinetic witch that uses rhyming as a fuel to cast his spells.
1. Chapter 1

_**Madvillainy**_

**An epic poem about a seed who spoke in rhyme**

_Rhyme #1: Elementary Discovery, a la Caveman_

Like the ancient witches of old times

Can't really tell whether this was a gift, a power of sorts that fueled me

My constant, endless usage of the rhyme

Was it dear mama that presented it when I came to be?

Or was it papa, that taught me this, besides writing and being able to read?

I didn't really know

And knowing such a thing I didn't need

I reached a whole other low

I said "screw it, I don't care, I'll just use it and go".

The Fire blessed mine twisting appendage

Like thus, it was able to bend to the time

To the rhythm with which I vented

The verbally musical notes, all black sticks and line

My walls soon became dirty, sticky, stinky, covered in grime

I was no faerie queen

The thought of my parents knowing makes me sigh

Yeh, on the throne, a tyrant you would see

The execution of all minstrels and assholes he said would be his decree

Stupid you if you believed him

Stupid you if you get cut to pieces

Stupid you you silly greasy

Stupid him his buthole excreted feces

Stupid him his name was Petey

Bully at school, bothered me whole lot

He is what you would call a despot

Class President, Christian; yeh, and a zealot

He seemed to find my stature worthy to mock

I think if we worked together, he would always take my parking spot

If we didn't work at all, he would insert into my exhaust pipe a sock

He went too far one day, burned all the books in my locker… all my personal books

I burnt the little bitch

Burned him to a crisp

I assaulted him with a lyrical massacre

A little iambic pentameter

And some stanzas with a sound of Spensarian shrapnel

As you saw before

I also burned his so-called-girlfriend whore

I evaporated all the dirt in her pores

My treatment beat them facials, cleaned up a whole lot more

I hope hell finishes my job

Hell, that's what the mob

In the school became after I murdered the little sods

There was crying and sobs

Mourns of the loss

Rumours of spontaneous combustion

And aliens lasering and brain parasites in suction

But no one notices

I laughed one day, after Principal Pulitzes

Spoke those eternal condolences: "We hope to find out who caused such un-holiness".

Ha ha, system, I beat you at your own game!

Killing people in their cars and their beds

No one knows the occurrence

It was of natural cause

Yeh, it was a natural clause;

"Never mess with a wizard, be-yotch!!"


	2. Chapter 2

_Rhyme #2: Question Mark (?)_

I thought I'd gotten away scott free

But one thing still puzzled me

Made a fire that burned me insides deep:

How did they figure that a murder was the actual deed?

The police did not agree with the truth, with my mind

An accident was concluded upon inspection of their finds

Provoked by the antics of some ignorant wealthy child's

Nazi attempt at some form of humor that he found funny and sly

But made someone else, myself, else cry

Funny thing, such an irony

Petey _was _a bully

But many would argue

That the solution didn't fit

It's solute

Surely it's a sully

To mix grit

With module

But all them punks up out in the globe

Don't seem bothered by the gloat

But eh, ignorance is quite the boat

Every one dealer seems to find it as appealing

As America was during times of high dealings

So I pondered

The event

Thus I wondered

How they could have guessed

My school, my principal, the actual fret

I guess someone told it

The actual threat

"There's a monster in your school" I imagined someone spit,

"Not just a monster, it's a witch"

"Yeh, and he got the power to burn us all to a crisp".

"Well" my principal should say, "I guess he's an emo-trenchcoat little shit"

"Yep" the image of some sexy female officer reached mine set,

"Frisk anyone who got eyeliner on, and a manga bag-mix".

But no, the effort would be more calculated

(and besides, I ain't no emo shit, so they wouldn't find me, the Immaculated)

Anybody who is sold

He who does what he is told

"Bring 'em up to the desk

Let's see if his pants wet".

As probable as that could be done

It is not the actual thing, son

You gotta think on the reality

As real as that is

I'm surprised they haven't found me yet…

"FREEZE, WITCH-BITCH!"

Would be the similar sit…

"I said get up, you hitch!"

Nah, that couldn't be it…

"Didn't you hear me, un-sit!"

Wha… oh, this is a knit…

Somebody's gun butt connected with my teeth.

Author's Note: Pardon some of the weird words, I found them on the dictionary and thought they would fit right in…

"Sully": Something silly, impossible

"To mix grit with module": to mix something low class (ghetto, hard) with something high class


	3. Chapter 3

_Rhyme #3: The Minor Escape (starring Stephen Laikos)_

_Bonjour, mousierres and mademoiselles _

_Aimeriez-vous en saviour mon nom, ce j'mapelle? _

_Mon nom est_ Stephen Laikos

_Je suis le feu, ardent_

_Et, non, je ne suis pas francais _

Except for now, someone's smacked me across the head

It's annoying

The headache is piercing and boring

I dislike this ugly old asshole

What in the name of G-d was that for?

Insulting

Staring at this excuse for a face

This motherfucker, haven't seen 'im before, never knew him before

Don't even know his name

"Stand up, little jest" he said

This insult was apparently his best

"And what be your name, dear guest?" I laughed, as my head bled

"None of your business, now that we've met;

I expected of you no less"

He regarded to my clothing,

the raggedy ass dress

I accustomed myself to wear as to 'cause negative impress

Upon every one of my peers, upon every brother and every sis

"Upon you I placed no provocation" I said

"Really? Then why did I hit you amongst this miniature nation?" he said

"Maybe you just needed release

"Some way to alleviate

"The grease that protrude from your face

"And from this dainty day"

It indeed, outside, rain

But now, I needn't concern myself with such petty welts

My right shoe connected with his chest

In an mysterious muscle spasm act

Of myself

That send him unto mine chair

And make it sound like ruffling plastic hair

As it broke as this evil villain's hare

And I ran off

Calling for help so as to cloud my escape

And to hinder mine assaultant... but, eh, I must have cheated on a girl

In my past life

A smooth, delicate fist

Broke what be left of the credibility of my gist

And of my flighty hit

The darkness took me

And the birdies began to chorus

**Author's Notes: **The first few lines are in French

They go:

"Hello, ladies and gentlemen

Would you like to know what my name is?

My name is Stephen Laikos

I am fire, fiery

And, no, I am not French

**boring**: as in drilling, like a drill drilling a hole into something


	4. Chapter 4

_Rhyme #4: Not All Alone_

The cuppeth that runneth overarreth

The rising of the sirrah ogarreth

And the vitalious polarreth that stunneth

Mine mental fastenings

Yeh, mine head is shortening mine life span

It's ridiculous, really

Can't seem to keep a rhyme no more

Nah, wait, I still got some in store

But I soon be running short and be sore

Shit, there it go

The comfortable bed stockings ain't working for sho'

I be tinkin' who be the assailant

Hence once been that greasy monkey in mine eyesight

He be suspect of mine fiery gun barrel's spite

But eh, mine head cannot shape such a jive

'Sides, nobody that have sunflower flowers in they skull

Must certainly be such and such dumb

As monkeys that attempt the act of the punt

Everybody say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Sure, if you slather it in queso and some shreds of porkers

Hold the porkers, though, if the customer be porker walking on both betrothers

They easy to offend

But it was easy for me

For the beauty set in seat

Apparently for me to see

I, at least,

Don't tink it be that speek

Yeh, she look pretty

In the black leafings

And the Biggie's Symbol on her vertebrae's steepling

"Ah, thou art awoken stately" she sayeth,

"If you can call _that _that which I feel so safely..." I sayeth, (the two 'that's are intentional)

"Sure, why not?

What be thou name, Janie?"

"I be Robin the cherub (thou she said "My name is Robin Sena")" she sayeth,

"And thou?"

"I be Lord Manubam of the Prieth... nah, kidding!

I'm just Stephen".

"Yah shan't be in fights in the future" Robin said,

"After your hits, you needed sutures

"And from us lots of operations of NV Juicers".

"'Twas I running so fast?" I said, chuckling

"No;" Robin said, her face's and voice's emotions stumbling

"You were scary past".

_Scriptor Notitia (Author's Notes):_

First two lines are an allusion to the Gorillaz song "All Alone", as is the line "Lord Manubam of the Prieth"

"Vitalious... Mine mental fastenings": shock-like head ache in my head

"Biggie's Symbol... her vertebrae's steepling": a rosary around her neck

"her face's and voice's... stumbling": devoid of any emotion

"you were scary and past": Robin was saying "Oh, come on, we're not that stupid; you're a witch on the run... you were bound to do something stupid, so we had to stop you by any means necessary".


End file.
